Detania's Journey

2009-09-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

I'll admitt I am not doing well right now. About a month ago my world began to unravel. I am not ready to spill my guts about everything to the world but if you pray then do so for me and my family. Through this experience I am leaning on the Lord and probably becoming stronger spiritually then I have been in awhile. I do trust Jesus to take care of me even if I can't see what the next few months hold.

2009-04-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

So I thought I should blog since I haven't in awhile, but then I realized the things on my mind may be too raw for the world wide web. In short this week I am learning that although I am married that doesn't mean that everything my husband does or doesn't do is about me. Yes most of said things effect me and our family but his struggles are his. As a partnership we should be able to face things together but some struggles have been there for so long it is hard for him to loosen his grip of them and let me or GOd even in to help. My prayer is as he seeks Christ in his crises he will learn to let me help him, learn that no one can do it alone and in a marriage we need to do it together. My prayer for me is that I love him enough to give him what he needs and that I don't get frustrated and take actions that I can't take back. If you pray, and you love me at all, please join me in these prayers.

2009-04-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of pics of my husband Kelly and our daughter Olivia. I wasn't with them, but they were having a blast at zilker park in austin. It was her first time to ride the train.

2009-04-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

I had a you gotta laugh so you don't cry mommy moment. Lucas and I were traveling to San Marcos from Port Lavaca and I heard him grunting away. We were in between towns so it was safer to just wait until we got to the next town to change him and well it may have been the wrong decision. I opened the door and my beautiful son smiled at me through a poopy stained face. He had poop everywhere. It was so gross. I didn't even know where to start in the cleaning process. I just laughed and laughed. It was funny! I just hope he didn't eat too much of it and gets sick. But you know he had to have eaten some of it....whew!

2009-03-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

rambling......

So I commute to work....about 2 1/2 hours from my home. It sounds really bad, but it isn't that bad. I like being able to have a minute to myself to pray, think, sing, or just zone out. It really isn't that often either. For instance I came in tonight at 6pm and will get off around 8pm tomorrow. So that is really two shifts instead of one. On those days it really isn't that bad. People ask how long I will keep it up. I don't know. Maybe awhile. We really need the money and I can't really ask for a better job. I mean I get to be home with my kiddos, yes I do have to leave them at the daycare on occasion but mostly there dad and me take care of them, and I get to help people every once in awhile.

A typical day for me and my kids is we wake up around 8am, everybody gets fed , bathed, and dressed, we clean something...there is always something to clean when you have two little ones, then we go to the ymca to workout, we usually eat lunch with daddy, and then go back home. THe kids take naps if I am lucky they do so at the same time. We eat something, clean some more, and then daddy comes home and we have dinner and watch tv, bed time is around 9pm and I turn in shortly afterwards. I don't know why I wrote all that, I guess I thought someone might care.

We haven't found a church yet. It is even harder to do when you know that nothing will be like what you had in a city that you love. But we have been called to Podunkville for a purpose. I think part of my purpose is to be somewhere to reset, somewhere where people don't have expectations, a place where you sink or swim and there is no one to know who you where or who you could be. You know being around people you've known forever and ministered with forever sometimes makes it easy to get comfortable even lazy at times. I need this time to grow as a leader, to dream, time for my husband and me to depend on each other and grow in our love for each other. I hope that we find a church soon. We want to look at two more churches and then pick one. I work every third sunday so it has been a slow process.

This month at my gym they have a contest going on. YOu and a partner go up against another team and whoever gets the most point, earned by different forms of working out, gets a gift certificate to a restaurant. It has been fun trying to win. We got past the first week, but the 2nd week is close. THe problem is next week my partner will be gone for spring break so the weight falls on me. I can't work out that much, mostly because I can't put the kids in the tiny nursery for that long. So as much as I really want to win it ain't gonna happen.

that is it for now

2009-02-14T20:31:00.001-08:00

Here is a pic of my little prince at three months. He is now 7 months and I don't have my own computer up and going with internet so I can't get more recent pics!!

2009-02-14T20:24:00.000-08:00

This is my beautiful girl. It is hard to believe she is now two years old. 12-24-06

2009-02-03T20:54:00.000-08:00

Many of my far away friends may not be aware that my family recently moved to Port Lavaca, TX ie PoDunkVille. It is so different from Austin. But I am adjusting. I joined the YMCA and have been more faithful at working out. Our home is on the water so I can see the ocean from my backyard and the stars are bright and beautiful out here. I have decided to keep my job in San Marcos, a 2 hour drive, so we are still working thru childcare. This week the kids and I stayed with a friend here in Austin for 3 days but man I miss Kelly. I think we are going to have to figure something else out. We are dreeding the whole church search. Mostly we love our current church www.thewellinaustin.com if you're curious. No church will measure up to home. But we will inbrace change full heartedly.

peace out

2009-01-31T21:36:00.000-08:00

Thank you Margo...I can't believe you randomly caught my one blog in well forever.

Today what's on my heart has to do with relying on people. I have a friend who can't say no to anyone so she tends to get bitter when doing whatever for well,everyone. I can say no. Honestly, I try to say yes because I geniunly want to help people and am honored that they want my help in some wierd way I guess. So if someone needs me to watch there kid it really isn't a big deal or drop something off or help with an event or whatever, but if I just can't I say no and don't really feel bad about it. This friend of mine feels like people should try to take care of there own stuff at all cost before involving anyone else. I just don't think I agree. I mean yes take care of business and don't depleat all your resources, but why not rely on your friends to help you out if they can. I mean they can say no just like you can say no. If you don't give people oppertunities to help you then you become an island and we just weren't created for complete isolation and independance. I think freedom is being able to help people and not feel bitter about it or not help people and not feel guitly. I guess knowing your limits and loving people. Being good to yourself makes you better for others...not selfish. Jesus didn't help everybody. He passed by beggers everyday. He took time for himself to pray and regroup. Was He selfish or self aware?I think in the end it is important to help when we are suppose to help. and that requires us to be plugged into the pulse of God.

There is more on my mind but it probably shouldn't be on the world wide web. Although I am tempted...Those of you who know me(which is probably only my one viewer Margo) know it is hard to keep my mouth shut when I feel strongly or am hurt, but I will resist.

until next time

2009-01-09T21:46:00.000-08:00

I was reading a friend's blog and thought I would see if mine was still up. Low and behold it is... I honestly don't know if I have it in me to keep this up but I'll write one today knowing no one is going to read it anyhow.... A lot has changed since my last post. I have a beautiful baby boy named Lucas Jubal and my daughter Olivia is two years old. Time is just soring by. Before you know it she is going to be going off to college. Lets not think about that.

Tonight I am thinking about moving to Port Lavaca. I just read my last blog from over a year ago on community and now I am moving to a new ity bitty town and will have to start over with new friends. I am not looking forward to putting myself out there and being vulnerable and not to mention exerting effort to care about other people. I know that sounds awful, but it is true. I can reason with myself that I am too busy to make time for new people, but the truth is I need to make time for new people. God is moving me to this place and He is always about loving people. I have to remember that the world doesn't revolve around me. That sounds so simple but the persistent little head of self keeps rearing his ugly head incognito. It is easy to get wrapped up in my little world. The truth is that maybe God wants to shake me up a little to get my attention and help me be more affective for the kingdom.... I am tired. I don't even know if I make since.

I will try to post again. No promises.

2007-06-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

Ok. my friends it has been awhile but it is time to start blogging again. I have a butt load of pics of Olivia that you guys need to see. So when I get to my computer I will do just that!! Thanks for reading

2006-10-20T15:12:00.001-07:00

Community

Ok. So on Wednesday our Bible study was hugely on community and exactly what that meant. I am convienced that we believe community is a good idea and even necessary for our livelihood, but we are clueless about how to really apply the concept to our little group. Some of us give more lip service to it than others, but it is just that lip service. I guess what I am trying to say is that having a community and fully participating in that community means you give up something of yourself and you trust others to do the same. If someone in the so called community is going through hell then they should feel safe and compelled to share that with the group. THe group (individuals and the whole) should be there for that person. That may mean a silent prayer or it may mean a throw down fight with the devil or whom ever else.

I admit I am guilty of not letting people into my space when I probably needed them the most. I don't know if it is because I just don't trust anyone to respond the way I would like or maybe I just don't believe anyone really cares. I say anyone as a very broad term. It is hard to put your life out there for everyone to see, judge, and or care. I know I am not alone in these feelings. In fact I can think of several of my friend's personal struggles that they will not share with the group. I think this is wrong.

I am guilty of both not sharing and not responding the way I should have... I will give an example from my life and my husband's life because anyone else might get mad if I use them as an example. Almost a year ago my husband had a relapse on his addiction to gambling. THis was something I didn't find out until it was very harmful to us on many levels. Before he came clean with me he contiplated seriously suicide. He was at a great low and I wasn't even aware of it moreless any of our friends. The first few months after we started tackling this together were very hard and very lonely. Maybe that is how satan works. He makes you think you have to go through something on your own (not including Christ of coarse) knowing there is power in numbers. We are much better now and Christ is very faithful to take care of us and let us learn from our mistakes. ONe of which was not letting people fight with us.

I will try harder. If you are in community with me I would love to hear your comments on my thoughts.
Like I said I know we are not alone in our situation. What will it take for people to really be open to community. I think a willingness to be vulnerable and trust God to take care of you even when people fail you.

2006-10-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

2006-09-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

One of the nicest things about being pregnant is that people are so considerate of you. THe other morning before church I stopped to get my weekly fix of breakfast tacos from Lafaria and as I was going in a man got out of his truck and opened the door for me. I assumed he was going in too but he wasn't. He just wanted to be helpful. I like people being nice to me. It made me think why do people do these thing only when they see a pregnant woman? What I decided was that everyone knows there is something very special about a baby, even mystical in a way. They are so fragile and come to us so needy and the women that carry them, well they glow with a bit of the same mystery. I don't know but if it makes people nicer I don't care what the reason, I'll take it!

2006-08-31T14:18:00.000-07:00

working thru

Today I read several scriptures on clay. I am the clay. As I put it together in my mind God is reminding me that every part and circumstance in my life was His doing and it was purposeful. Just as He has free will He gives me free will too. I always have the choice to follow and He has the choice of what to do with me regardless. He is patient and deals with me as a father and wants me to make good choices for His own glory. Earlier today I was listening to the song "I loved her first" by heart land. It is a country song and a real heart clincher about a man giving his daughter away in marriage. This song gave me mix emotions. I can't help but be reminded of not having an earthly daddy who loved me first and did all the special things that a father does with his daughter. This makes me sad, but God worked in my life in such protective, loving, tender ways and was glorified because I did not have the ideal. Then I thought of my daughter who should be here close to Christmas and how special her life is going to be because she will have an earthly daddy, and God will be glorified in that too. He knows what we need. He knows what He is doing and He should not be doubted. He is good, all the time! Lord, forgive me when I can't see the why. When I look at you and am bewildered. Help me Lord to trust you and remember I am clay. That is actually pretty freeing. I mean the clays waits to be formed into what ever it is that he is to be, but the potter He does all the work.

2006-08-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

She is a she!! Olivia Jewell Nix should be arriving to bless us all close to Christmas Day. The doctors say everything is going well. Her profile already looks like Kelly! Well she may have my long nose. It is hard to tell really, but she already makes us so happy.

2006-07-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

Not just a whole lot going on here. I am 18 weeks pregnant now. It is so weird. Most days I still just can't believe it and then I look at my growing belly and start to believe it. Right now I am still pretty self consious about the weight gain. I really have only gained about 5 lbs but the kid is pushing everything around so I look huge. The biggest yucky thing has been a cramp in my left buttocks. I think it is a nerve. Most days it is just annouying, but last weekend it hurt so bad that my whole leg hurt when I walked. The nurse gave me some stretches to do and I am going to try to be better about exercise and hopefully it won't get worse. Other than that me and pee pod are great. I have been fortunate to not have morning sickness or anything like that. We should find out the sex on August 10th if pee pod cooperates.

2006-06-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

Passion

This one is not meant to inspire. It is more of me rambling and working through something...

Did you know that the Bible doesn't use this word to speak of calling or vision, just lustful type of passion. So it made me start thinking of the equivalent word or situations. I thought first of Nehemiah. He had a passion to rebuild the wall of his home. I thought of what it took for that passion to turn into success. It was kinda worthless if he didn't put feet to the dream. Not to mention that there is no way it could get done on his own. He had to make a plan (which involved lots of prayer of coarse). Then he had to enlist help. He had to get others to join him in his dream. He had to allow it to catch on like a fire. He had to tell them and I guess in a way sell his passion to others. Is this how passion works always? Does it not go anywhere unless you take the intitive and (through God's leading) and get the ball rolling. By this logic it would seem that you can't expect others to feel what you feel unless you have put the time and effort into it that it warrents.

I remember being the lead on a ministry at my old church and getting so upset that others hadn't caught on and joined me the way I thought the project deserved. I was distraught. My pastor reminded me that God gives everyone the passions and visions that He intends and I can't judge them for not jumping on board. I believe he was right, but at the same time if I didn't do a good enough job of presenting the vision then I really didn't give them a chance to talk to God about it. I failed. If I did then I should accept whatever God gives.

It also reminds me of our current project 'The Well'. Man if Jason wouldn't have done the foot work he did then we would't exsist. I guess what I am talking myself into is that I am responsible for the dreams that God give me. That is heavy. If I don't go after it I never fail or succeed.....I guess not following God is failure though, so I don't really have a choice.

These thoughts were brought about by two things. At a recent meeting I was at the word passion came up a lot and later I started pondering what passion really was anyway. Also, by my friend Velma's blog, who recently discovered a passion and has taken steps toward releasing it upon us. She is a great example to me.

2006-06-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

Matte

Matte is our new bassett hound. Well new to us. The guy we got her from said she is 3 years old. Now the vet says she is at least 5 years old. I am not sure why the dude felt the need to lie to us??? If anyone has met Pluto you should know Matte is nothing like him. She is much smaller, a girl, red and white, a smaller snout and ears, and has a much milder temperment. She is calm and sweet. Probably because she is an old girl. They get along quite well. Pluto plays and plays and if Matte doesn't feel like it she will just tolerate him. Other times they rouf house together. It is cute.

Much of the process of adopting Matte reminded me of what it might be like to foster an older child or adopt an older child. When we first saw Matte she looked shy, but you could still see her gentle nature. She let us pet her and seemed to like us pretty quickly. She was dirty, but nothing a bath wouldn't cure. When we got her home Pluto immediately like her but she wasn't sure of him. She cried a little at bed time, but she did fall asleep. THen the next day when it was time for that bath she liked the water well enough, but I started noticing ticks. Now the last caregiver said she had dead ticks and they would fall off, and that was true but she also had live ones. She didn't just have a couple there was one after the other. I am not use to that because Pluto is clean and well groomed. My emotions were mix (not just because I am pregnant either). Part of me was very angy at that man for not taking better care of her and part of me was very sad because the job of cleaning her completely seemed so overwhelming and honestly gross. Those tick are nasty. Plus I didn't want Pluto to get them. I jumped up, dried her off and raced to the closest vet. I was a mess. I was crying and wanted them to dip her right then, but I calmed down and came back the next day. At home I sat down with her and pulled one after the other off. She was so sweet and just layed there like she was releaved and very thankful. It was ahorrible job. She had them between her toes and just everywhere. I thought I got all of them but they still got 20 more the next day at the vet. She is all clean and has all her shots and is a beautiful addition to our home.

I am sure with parenting older childern that weren't born from you many of the same challenges are faced. Introducing the current children, hoping they get along well and maybe even fighting the urge to be biast toward your birth children. Then cleaning the 'crap' off or out of that poor child and praying to God that it doesn't badly influence your squicky clean child. Then finding the resources to help with anything you can't do on your own. But most of all just loving that child in your now more complete home.

I will post a picture later.

2006-05-22T12:18:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I am barely to chapter 2. THe thing that captivates me is that women were made in God's image and all the thing that implicates. My need to be adored, sought after, captivating yes, but also the need for relationships and to know about people and there lives. All of this is a reflection of my Lord. He also wants to be adored and sought after to be found captivating and yes beautiful. He desires relationships and to really be known and apart of peoples' lives. It just awes me both that God would choose to reflect a bit, a huge bit, of himself in me and in all women. Men are beautiful in there own equally amazing way but the absence of women even in a very real daily sense leaves the world a bit colorless. THe line that stands out is ...can there be any doubt that Eve is the crown of creation? Not an afterthought...She is God's final touch...she fills a place that nothing and no one else can fill. Do you believe that ladies, guys? If we really did believe it we would live differently. We would love more deeply and trust GOd more senscerly. I want to believe it.

2006-05-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

So I have started reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. As I finish the first chapter I am left pondering 'what do I want? What does my heart call out to me?' THe authours say that deep in every woman is the desire for romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a shared adventure, to unveil her beauty (that really is in there somewhere).

I believe that I agree with these statements. I have become distracted by the most beautiful children in world so I will have to finish these thoughts later.

2006-04-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

So I was reading about the temptation of Christ in Luke 4 and Matt 4. I saw some things that I thought were interesting. It says that the spirit led Jesus to the desert. It then later says that Satan led Jesus to a high place. This had never caught my eye before. THe Spirit led Jesus, not just anywhere but to the very place the enemy would tempt him and Satan led Jesus to a high place to try and appeal to his kingly right. It just got me thinking about how the Spirit (God, Jesus, the big cheese) never leaves us or forsakes us and always knows what we can handle and puts us in situations to Trust his promises. Satan of coarse takes full advantage of the oppertunity and pulls us along picking at our weaknesses. But in the end when Jesus was done He told Satan (by His own authourity) to leave. And guess what? He obeys.

I think I sometimes forget to fight back. I lose sight of the super hero power that is alive in me. I take a beating time after time. Listen and believe lie after lie. I don't combat Satan with the Truth of the word following Jesus's example or simply instruct Satan by the power of the living Christ that loves me and died for me to leave! Today I pick up my sword! Today I say Satan in Jesus name leave.

2006-04-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

We are pregnant! I just found out today! I know it is early to be telling people but we are too excited to keep it to ourselves!!! So pray for us. I keep thinking I am going to jinks it or something. loveyalater

2006-04-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking the other day about my life and the things that were missing from it... I realized that I am well liked and know a ton of people. When I make friendships they are the long lasting kind. But at the same time I have very few people super close to me...I am talking my husband and maybe one other person. I don't think this is the way God intended relationships. It is true that we only have a certian amount of time and energy for just a small number of people. But then again love always requires sacrifice. If it were easy then it wouldn't be worth as much in the end. If God promises to not give us more than we can handle and it is required of us to love people and build relationships then I guess it is His job to take care of the time and energy required and ours to be willing to sacrifice. Just like most things God asks of us all of this ends up to our benifit. Imagine that!! It is my conclusion that we are selfish and want a gaurentee on our sacrifice....is it (or he or she rather) worth what I have to give up. Wasn't it David that said 'I won't give sacrifices that cost me nothing.'(paraphrase) I don't think we do this knowingly but our most harmful attacks from the enemy happen when we are unaware.

I have to admitt I didn't come to these conclutions from actually practicing what I preach and being enlightened, no I looked around one day in crisis and had noone I trusted with my bare heart. Noone that I had put in sacrificed time and energy to be there when I needed the same. Trust is a hard thing gain and so easily lost.

It is hard to even know where to begin. I guess with one oppertunity at time.

2006-03-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

Today I went and visited the Bastrop and Austin women's shelters with my coworkers. It was very interesting. We are looking at different shelters in the area to get some ideas about our own brand spankin new shelter we are going to build in the next year. Bastrop's shelter is very similar to our shelter in san marcos, accept for the transitional housing that they have. It is so cool. After staying in the shelter for up to 2 months clients can move into transitional housing which is income based. It is basically apartments, efficienties, 1 and 2 bedroom . They can stay there for up to two years. Man that is just the neatest thing. Women that leave abusive situations often have a lot of obsticles in front of them. The advocate said that most of the time they aren't all the way full. Now the transitional housing in austin is always full. It is much harder to get in. you kinda have to be in the right place at the right time.

The austin shelter is huge. It has two stories and what they call clusters. A cluster is a group of 5 families that each share a kitchen and living area and 2 or 3 bathrooms. In smaller shelters everyone shares 1 kitchen living area and several baths. They also provided services like medical and dental. They have a grant that pays for doctors to come on campus once a week. This is especially nice for clients that have phycological issues because the doctor can proscribe meds. It takes a while to get into shole creek and emergancy rooms aren't a good source of continual care. This way theoredically a doctor can see this person once a week for a month or two. That is amazing. Not to mention the dental care for children. Lets face it medical care is so exspensive for everyone. I was very impressed with this. In San antonio they also have this service available, but even non residential clients qualify.

San antonio was a huge shelter. THey have a school on campus, computer labs, medical care, play area that opened to a playground and transitional housing. The security at all of these shelters are incredible.

My favorite thing about New Braunfels was they housed client's animals and men. Both are not the norm at shelters.

Our shelter is older than the others. It is open and homey. We have room for improvement and by looking at these other places we will be the best in Texas. In comparision to these other shelters I think our security could use some improvements, but the way our rooms are set up suite style with a bath in between each room and lots of open space is better than the other shelters.

That is just some ramblings....

2006-03-05T14:00:00.000-08:00

I am tired. My body,mind, emotional part, and spirit are weary. I am not going to get into specifics....

Have you ever forgiven someone, but still hurt by it. Actions do echo. It is like if someone shot you with a gun in the arm and you somehow forgave that but your arm still hurt. This is how I felt yesterday. Then something happened. Don't ask me what, but somehow I let it go and stopped focusing on myself so much and it doesn't really hurt anymore. I mean I can reinact the whole thing in my mind and relive the hurt, but it really isn't there now. NOt that it happens or should happen like that for everyone, but for me it did.

I think it is easier to forgive someone for hurting you then it is for them to forgive themselves sometimes. Espcecially someone you love. I remember one time I was watching a friends baby and we had an accident of sorts. The baby was fine...crying a little but no bruises or cuts or anything. The parents were like well she looks fine, it is ok, but man I broke down and was so upset because I almost hurt there baby. Luckily the kid is fine and life goes on...but you know what i mean. God desires forgiveness. Of eachother, of one's self, and from Him. Guilt is not of GOd. When you are in the middle of it though it is just hard to forgive yourself of somethings. I think we all have something. If satan can attack you at that place man he can do some serious damage. What is the answer? I guess trusting that God loves you no matter what. People you fail but nothing changes how God adores you! NOTHING! He doesn't want you to own that guilt. He wants you to hand it to him and trust him with your heart. He wants you to confess and start living the abundant life he promises! He wants good things for you not bondage. Allow yourself to be free. It feels good and it is ok to feel good.

I am just rambling. I hope I made sense.

2006-02-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

I am not good at writing letters. My bro is in jail, technically I guess he is in prison. My mom is so funny. When he was in jail she would always say, 'when is Tommy getting out on parole?' And now it really is parole and not probabtion. It is kinda weird. For those of you who don't know my bro, he is a great guy. He is the kinda guy that doesn't know a stranger. People like him. He is funny, emotional, and loving all when he isn't drinking. He is an alcoholic. This is a drug that is prodominent in my family. We have a long history of struggles that start with alcohol. He seems determined to kick it when he gets out and he is a believer and knows that he can't do it on his own. Blessed is the poor in spirit! He is pretty humbled right about now. I hope that he will choose to come to the well with me when he gets out and that many people will support him in his recovery. Adiction isn't something you just wake up one morning and kick. It is a process and he is in the middle maybe (hopefully) the worst part. The thing is anyone can say when they are locked up that they are going to change, but it isn't until you are faced with that addiction in the free world do you put feet to those convictions. Please pray for him and consider befriending him. All that to say I finially wrote him a letter today. I typed it up so it went a little faster and it was much more legiable.

2006-02-18T12:42:00.000-08:00

The only thing wrong with cooking dinner for one or 12 million is the clean up! Yuck. I hate cleaning the kitchen but I also hate having a dirty kitchen. What's a girl to do? I guess the answer to that is dishes. Thursday my sister, my friend Abby and her sister in law Heidi came over for dinner, ice cream and a fun game of gestures. I am experimenting with new reciepes so I always need new ginny pigs...hehehe. I made something called chinese hamburger. My sister was scared of it but still tried it, which is very adventerous for her. It was good. It kinda tasted like hamburger helper and well I like hamburger helper. It was more work then hamburger helper though. THe ice cream was yummy. Hard to screw that up. The game was fun. We laughed a lot. I don't know if you know this about me, but I love to laugh. Although I can laugh at the wrong time sometims and hurt peoples' feelings....sorry Abby. You should have been there....

2006-02-10T22:13:00.000-08:00

Is anyone reading this stuff? I guess it doesn't matter, but I do like to read comments.

2006-02-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

Today I am on the tired side. I did sleep in, which was very much needed. I rode Kelly's bike since mine has a flat tire and worked on the property of the storage place quite a bit. I emptied out a couple of units. They both had furniture in it that I thought wasn't too heavy. Well, not so much. I ended up destoying a couple of crappy something or others with a hammer just so I could lift it. I think I need a nap. The new part time job is good. The ladies I work for are kind and generous and it makes me want to do a good job. You are all invited (call first) to come see the new apartment. It is fun. I like it a lot. Pluto is still adjusting. He doesn't like that he can't scratch at the door when he wants in. The yard is downstairs and around the corner. I on the other hand really like this little perk. lots of love-D

2006-02-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

Man I am tired tonight. Today my good friend Nicole came to my rescue and helped me paint my new place. My sister came around 1 to help also. And my friend's cousin, who is mooching off of them and owes them money... and my friend owes me for babysitting so my friend offered up the cousin. Did that make since? Anyways the 4 of us did all the painting except the bathroom which Kelly already said he would do! Many thanks to Warren who stopped in to feed us. Nicole says not to be decieved by his generousity he was just making up for having 'something' to do at the house and not being able to stay. And also for Will also stopping in to eat lunch and hang out. It was a pretty eventful day and much was accomplished. Kelly will steam clean the carpets either tonight or tomorrow night. I am at work now and will be unable to do any thing else at the house until Sat...the big move in day.

Speaking of Kelly he had an orientation today at Sam's club. He should start after our anniversery on the 12th. In case you were wondering, yes we do get a Sam's membership. Whooohooo!

Tonight I have a couple of people on my mind...one hurting person in an injured marriage, one client that has been so badly abused and isolated that she needs all the prayer we can give, one friend from years ago that God has brought to my mind several times tonight, and one old girl friend that taught me how to play skipbo....Jesus please bless and keep these close to you tonight where ever they may be in life or spirit, may your peace engulf them tonight. amen

2006-01-31T20:49:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

The old place only has our mattress left and it is cleaner then I think it has ever been. Today I got some training on the new job at the storage place. It is a lot of stuff but all pretty easy. THe ladies I work for have everything written down so I should be ok. The couple who live in the apartment right now said that they would be out late tonight. So we are staying at my sister's house tonight. They are at work so it is just Kelly and I. She has two dogs and I have pluto so it took them all awhile to settle down and go to sleep. Tomorrow I plan on going to the new place early and seeing how much cleaning and painting needs to be done. hopefully they left it spic and span, but you know how that goes. Even if everything is sparkling you just have to clean it again just so you know that you know that it is clean you know? Then Thursday Nicole volunteered to come help paint. So I will do that and maybe move some in, Friday I babysit all day. Also Wed-Fri nights I work at the shelter so needless to say I will be tired.

I don't know how but I pulled something in my shoulder too. It hurts a bunch. Even to take deep breaths. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow. Because of this pain Kelly told me to rest earlier, so being the good wife that I am I humble obeyed, and now he is fast asleep and I am very much awake.

Kelly is very seriously considering taking an almost full time part-time job at Sam's club. This means he would still have his full time job plus this one. I have my reservations but I want him to do what ever he feels he needs to do. For those of you who pray please pray for him that he would do what God wants of him and that I would be ok with whatever that may be.

2006-01-25T11:46:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys,

Well the moving has begun. I know I owe ya'll a post but I am just too busy and we are turning the internet off today or tomorrow. When I get all moved in I'll give ya an update. Also if anyone is interested I am painting this week and the first sat of Feb we will be moving in to the new place. I won't beg....well ok....please, please, please lend a hand. I will say that we have a lot of crap. and the whole process is a little overwhelming.

Thanks friends

2006-01-07T16:40:00.001-08:00

So we got the job!

Everyone I've ever helped move, here is your notice we need help in about a month moving! If you don't know what i'm talking about see previous posts.

2006-01-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

What a day!

Well, the day started with me going to my niece's school. You see she is 16, lives with her boyfriend in Austin, and isn't going to school. I've heard so many reasons why that I decided to go there and find out for myself. The assistant principal was very nice and helpful too, so with any luck or favor Shayna will re-registar tomorrow morning.

Then, I started packing the store, which is just an enormous task. Tomorrow a friend volunteered to help, well that isn't completely true...she is the same friend that has been working at the store, so she will probably get paid. Who knows when it will be complete? Not me. Supposedly we are to be out by the end of the week, but I don't see that happening.

Then, at noon, well I was about ten minutes late so we'll say 12:10, Kelly and I had a job interview. Are you curious? Well there is a storage unit off of mopac and 71 that has an apartment over them. The job is working in the office from 3:30-5:30 Tues-Fri and all day on Sat. It also includes maintance around the place. So we work together a total of 72 hours a month and anything over is extra $10 an hour and the apartment with all bills paid is our payment. The sisters interviewing us were very nice and they spoke to us as if the job was ours, but we should know at the end of the week.

Then, well I ate and took a nap, but later that evening a guy called about an ad Kelly put in craige's list to sell the truck. He came by, drove it, and decided to buy it. He gave Kelly a sizable down payment and will be back tomorrow with the rest of the money and to pick the truck up.

Talk about crazy. One thing after the other today. My life is changing in the matter of hours. No more store, new possible job, and no more monster truck. It is crazy.

2005-12-26T20:02:00.000-08:00

Funny how people move on....

So I was at the store (my mother in-law's that I manage) and an old jr. high teacher, Mr. Alfer, came in. I got his attention and was talking to him and then I realized he didn't remember me. I wasn't insulted just suprised. To me, him and his algebra class were pivital for my whole high school math enlightenment. He really helped me a lot in jr. high and he was also a believer who showed it to us, a mentor in more ways than one I guess. 'Time marches on' and so do we I suppose.

2005-12-25T17:31:00.000-08:00

Romance Junky

So before I was married I didn't really think I was that much of a romantic. Boy was I wrong. I just finshed watching 'how to lose a guy in 10 days'. I know those butterflies the girl feels when the boy looks at her in 'that way'. I love that feeling. Kelly, my husband, is sweet as pie, but tends to take this part forgranted. So do any of my readers remember your first kiss from the love of your life? Lets hear it!!

Mine and Kelly's was on our second date. I had cooked him dinner and we watched a movie. When I walked him down to leave we talked and then hugged and then just kinda lingered in the hug position ahhh then he went in for the kiss. I was nervous. I didn't know what to expect and I was definately falling for this guy......I love him so much.

2005-12-22T17:22:00.000-08:00

Man, Christmas is tomorrow!

Well maybe not for you but it is for me!heheh. Kelly and I are celebrating Christ's birth with my family tomorrow and his the next day and part of Christmas. My nephew is so cute. He will be 13 next month and he is so excited about the season. It reminds me of when I was a kid and would stay up all night in my closet (closest place to the living room) wanting to disprove santa. It was fun. I kinda get caught up in the hussle and bussle of Christmas that I lose the mystery that Dylan still has. Now granted much of that is b/c he likes to open presents, but he is giving them too.

A little on the subject, what do you think about Santa Claus. I mean do you believe that the mystery is something that kids charish and creates good memories and traditions or do you believe he is a lie and you should never lie to you kiddos? I really don't know. I'm working it out for myself. I have many college friends that believe the whole thing to be the same as a hurtful lie, with the possible same affects. I want to know what you think.

Update: I don't know all the details but subject from last blog will be getting her kids next week. I was mostly venting. The truth is I get pretty jaded working here,a lot of people use the system-can you believe that, so when I see something that I truly believe is an injustice I can get worked up. Thank you guys for your imput.

2005-12-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

Ya know what sucks?

The legal system. I'm here at the shelter, where I work, and just talked to a lady who got her kids taken away and given to her abuser. I spent at least an hour with her the other night listening to her story. She is definately abused. I mean classic stuff like he kept her isolated from her family, controlled her spending, kept all the finaces a secret, she was under his thumb. I don't even remember why she finally left, but he had the money, not her, and got a good attorney. She has an attorney that is so focused on the fact that he won't really get paid that he doesn't seem real interested in helping her. I didn't think the court would keep her kids from her. I wish I could tell you the extreem details to her story, but b/c of confidentiality that would be inappropraite. So b/c of things that happened in her life 5 years ago the court didn't think she was stable enough to have her kiddos. Did I mention she has been there nurse there whole life(genetic stuff). She is doing all she can to try and get them home. The system is not on her side. It is on the side of the person, right or wrong, that has the all mighty dollar....and it makes me sick! (the last time I tried to spell check it erased my stuff, so deal with the mistakes!)

2005-12-17T15:06:00.000-08:00

You Don't Know Me!

I've been thinking a lot about this post. This past year has been a winding roller coaster with high highs and low lows. I've been so excited and elated and I've been depressed and beat up. After I got married (a high high) you, probably someone who cares deeply for me, gave me space to adjust to married life, which was a kind thing to do. Time went by and I got busy or distracted being self focused and never re-connected with you, and therefore have gone thru the ups and downs of this ride alone. As I reflect on this I realize that you too had ups and downs on your own roller coaster and I wasn't there for the ride.

Although I am unwilling to spill my guts and rehash the past with you I am willing to start again. I love do overs, don't you? I love the chance I have to do as my savior did and live in community with a special group of people that GOd has gifted me to know and love. So if I invite you for dinner don't say no, don't think about it, just let it happen. I want the chance to know you and to allow you to know me, which is hard for me sometimes, and I am sure for you too...but we need each other.

2005-11-12T21:38:00.000-08:00

Expectations

I wish I was as wise as I want to be or as my friends and family need me to be. I just screw up at times and more importantly I hurt people I love when I don't meet there expectation of me to always come thru in the way they would like. I may not always do what people think is best, but I do love people...a lot. Every thing I do is with the motive of what someone needs. Sometimes in the process I don't think about what someone else may need. To my friends and all that I hold dear please know I am trying. I am sorry that I hurt you at times, but I am trying. Those who I may have hurt may not believe that but it is true. It is only by God's saving grace thru Jesus Christ my Lord that I can do anything good. Jesus, please give me wisdom to do and say the things you would have of me. Help me be a better friend and servant of YOU. Amen.

2005-11-08T20:51:00.000-08:00

Gay: yeah or neah

So today was election day. This is good,right? I studied up on what was on the ballet, made some somewhat informed decisions and I went to the polls. I voted for the amendment. But later as I was thinking about it more and recounting a conversation I had with my pastor, I really wished I would have left it blank. Why? You ask... Well as I watched the news and saw 'us' and 'them' gathering in to different places I just cried. It felt so wrong. It felt like this was not about what it seemed to be about. Satan is so sneaky. Marriage is good,yes! But love is the base for all that we do and are and although we think we are right sometimes we are fighting the wrong battle. Today's election was not about the sanctity of marriage. It was about fear. If we are concerned with marriage and keeping it sacred and what is best for our children then lets battle no fault divorce. If we want to make a difference in families why not create ways for couples to receive free counseling both before marriage and during a conflict. It is our duty as Christians (those of you who are) to pray and fight the battles that God leads you to. Some said that today's vote was a victory for God.... Was it? I don't know, maybe, but if so it was tiny. There are better battles to be in. We must never forget that love is always the HIGH road.

Well that was just some thoughts as I end my day. Maybe now I can sleep.

2005-11-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

Journey

So my friends are in China on a journey to get there daughter. Those were her words. It means so much. I mean they are traveling and yet once they get her, on gotcha day, the journey continues. What about my journey? It is hard to see the stops along the way and even harder to picture the end destiny. For months my friends have been preparing and anticipating this single moment in time. How amazing it will be to be united with the promised child? If only I could be so focused on the stops in my life...How much more joy would I experience if I was looking ahead and anticipating what God was doing. It is much more then just not being disciplined it is me allowing myself to be complacant. It makes me ill to admitt it, but it doesn't change the truth. I don't have to own this guilt;that is not what my savior would want of me. I must press on and overcome, accept His forgiveness, and start again with the hope of glory on my side, in my heart, and as my ever present guide in this jouney that will one day be complete for His sake and His glory.

Peace and Hope

2005-10-27T23:55:00.000-07:00

Don't think for a minute that I always look that good, but it was my wedding day I was suppose to be a princess, right?

2005-10-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

So have you heard the one about the blonde in an elevator?.... Well me neither, this was not a blonde and it really happened. I just hope i can make it sound as funny as she did.

So Erica got onto the elevator after class on the third floor. She hit the botton to go to the ground floor and the elevator doors just kept jerking open and shut. She was a little perplexed. She got out, looked up and down and all around, but nothing. I guess she thought maybe something could be down to make the elevator work properly. Then her teacher comes out and says is something wrong with the elevator? "I don't know, I keep pressing 3 and it won't go down." The teacher replys, 'You want to try hitting one?'

Oh man by this part in the story when Erica is telling it on herself I am just rolling laughing. Of coarse I don't expect that from you but man you should have heard her tell on herself.

2005-10-27T21:42:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my two favorite guys! Kelly and pluto our bassett hound. He is so big and so hard headed. He fits in the family quite well. This was taken at the keep austin wierd 5K, where I had every intention of running, but ended up walking with my friends instead. Yes, I was flappin my jaw.

2005-10-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

This is my baby on our wedding day. I am walking up the aisle. I was saying to him, 'Baby don't cry, you're gonna make me cry.' He tried but we were both teary eyed most of the day.

2005-10-20T00:12:00.000-07:00

Let Love Rule

It is more than a song. My intent with this blog is not to get a lot of detania followers, but rather to just get my thoughts out. Warning just because I think it tonight doesn't mean it is in stone. I am sorting thru, figuring stuff out, growing, thinking, journeying!

Now that the disclaimer is done here goes what is on the old noggin tonight.

Today I had a conversation with a friend about love. We actually talked a lot about different aspects of love throughout our whole 2 hour discussion-topic to topic. In one topic we talked about how loving means being vulnerable and another how loving the wrong person is dangerous. She didn't believe or maybe is still sorting it out for herself, that it is wise to put yourself in a position where you love someone who may never love GOd. I mean really love, not what passes for love. I mean the down in the dirt, put your heart out there, maybe you'll screw the whole thing up kind of love. It is dangerous. But wise...the wisdom of heaven is unlike man's wisdom.

It reminded me of two things. One is the Narnia story where the kid asked if Aslan (the Christ figure) was safe and the response was no he is not safe but he is good. It reminded me that it isn't safe to love, I mean really love, but it is good. Safe implies lack of failure and assured out come and that is just not so with loving people and being a person. The second was when Christ was alone with the woman at the well. Ahh very dangerous! What would people say or think. Plus she was lonely, vulnerable, 'easy', and very needy. Christ modeled what he expects our response to be= LOVE. Yes it was dangerous, maybe not so much for the son of God but the word does say he was tempted in all ways. I think that means we should live dangerously.

My conclution is that love is never wrong, always dangerous, never wrong. If we aren't living a little dangerously are we really living?