Thank you Margo...I can't believe you randomly caught my one blog in well forever.

Today what's on my heart has to do with relying on people. I have a friend who can't say no to anyone so she tends to get bitter when doing whatever for well,everyone. I can say no. Honestly, I try to say yes because I geniunly want to help people and am honored that they want my help in some wierd way I guess. So if someone needs me to watch there kid it really isn't a big deal or drop something off or help with an event or whatever, but if I just can't I say no and don't really feel bad about it. This friend of mine feels like people should try to take care of there own stuff at all cost before involving anyone else. I just don't think I agree. I mean yes take care of business and don't depleat all your resources, but why not rely on your friends to help you out if they can. I mean they can say no just like you can say no. If you don't give people oppertunities to help you then you become an island and we just weren't created for complete isolation and independance. I think freedom is being able to help people and not feel bitter about it or not help people and not feel guitly. I guess knowing your limits and loving people. Being good to yourself makes you better for others...not selfish. Jesus didn't help everybody. He passed by beggers everyday. He took time for himself to pray and regroup. Was He selfish or self aware?I think in the end it is important to help when we are suppose to help. and that requires us to be plugged into the pulse of God.

There is more on my mind but it probably shouldn't be on the world wide web. Although I am tempted...Those of you who know me(which is probably only my one viewer Margo) know it is hard to keep my mouth shut when I feel strongly or am hurt, but I will resist.

until next time

I was reading a friend's blog and thought I would see if mine was still up. Low and behold it is... I honestly don't know if I have it in me to keep this up but I'll write one today knowing no one is going to read it anyhow.... A lot has changed since my last post. I have a beautiful baby boy named Lucas Jubal and my daughter Olivia is two years old. Time is just soring by. Before you know it she is going to be going off to college. Lets not think about that.

Tonight I am thinking about moving to Port Lavaca. I just read my last blog from over a year ago on community and now I am moving to a new ity bitty town and will have to start over with new friends. I am not looking forward to putting myself out there and being vulnerable and not to mention exerting effort to care about other people. I know that sounds awful, but it is true. I can reason with myself that I am too busy to make time for new people, but the truth is I need to make time for new people. God is moving me to this place and He is always about loving people. I have to remember that the world doesn't revolve around me. That sounds so simple but the persistent little head of self keeps rearing his ugly head incognito. It is easy to get wrapped up in my little world. The truth is that maybe God wants to shake me up a little to get my attention and help me be more affective for the kingdom.... I am tired. I don't even know if I make since.

I will try to post again. No promises.